poems

Top 10 favourites of 2018.

December 31, 2018 — Leave a comment

2018 was one hell of a year. I travelled to a new country, started my blog, got the result I wanted, started university, made new friends, etc. So, in a nutshell, it’s been a good year and a ok year. All at the same time. But, I doubt anyone wants to hear any mushy stuff, nor am I going to write it.

For the longest time, I didn’t wear foundation. I downright despised it. I’ve always had this thing in the back of my head that was like I’m going to breakout whenever I apply foundation. Because of this very reason, I’ve never wanted to apply it. But, the thing is, when you remove it carefully it’s not going to break you out. So, back last year, I gifted my mom the NARS All Day Luminous Weightless. It turns out that as I bought it online, the shade I guessed for my mom was actually a shade darker for her, and she always wears her spot-on shade, which is something I do too. So, she wore it a few days back and told me that it looks darker on her and I should try it. I was kinda skeptical, because I didn’t want to look like a fool, but atleast I tried it. I’m so glad I did. As soon as I applied it, I literally fell in love with it. Not only was it the right formula, the right coverage, but it was exactly my shade! It wears beautifully, and its a medium buildable coverage and I’m obsessed with it. However, this does not mean I’m wearing a foundation everytime I do make-up. The shade is Montblanc and retails for 49.99$. (steep, I know)

Next is something which is probably the most unique jewellery item I own. I bought it from Istanbul back in January. The stone is called zultanite and it changes color, in every different light, literally. It goes purple pink in the sun, green is dim yellow lighting and peach is normal lighting, blueish-green-brown is some sorts of lighting, red in neon flourescent lighting and so on. It comes with earrings, necklace and a ring, it’s in silver. My dad gifted me this so listing the price seems weird. But, if you buy it from Grand Bazaar in Istanbul, you can get it around 30 – 50$. Mine was a bit more expensive because I bought it from a shop but my mom liked the making so we just bought it. Although, she got hers from Grand Bazaar a day before.

When I heard Balmain were doing a collaboration with Loreal, I absolutely panicked and wanted to pick up everything. The packaging seemed amazing and even the ad campaign was very runway-esque. So, when I went to UK, for my cousin’s wedding, I picked up the Loreal x Balmain lipstick in Fever. It has a emerald green component and the packaging looks expensive. The color is sort of a burnt orange while also, being somewhat terracotta. It’s beautiful. I wanted to buy more shades, but I’m glad I didn’t. Not because I didn’t like it, but when you’ve got the same thing in excess, it sort of loses value. I good it from Boots for 13.99£

Next are my books, I didn’t read for the majority of 2018, and I didn’t start until the last week of November. I started with the Red Queen series which I’ve had since 2015, but I never actually read it. So I finished the Red Queen series and now, I’m on the last book in the Fallen series by Lauren Kate. So, in total I’ve read 6 books in the last month. I couldn’t be more proud of myself. The next book I’m going to read is the Shatter Me series by Tahera Mafi. I’m so excited! I’ve also ordered six more books from Readings just because I’m going to read so much in 2019, I hope so. Fingers crossed.

I got my first Kat Von D lipstick last year from Saudia Arabia but I never used it as much as I do now. The shade I got was Lolita and it works with every single look. It’s a nude brown pink and I have no idea how to describe it but I love it. The only thing is that it doesn’t wear as well as I want it to, which is a bummer. But, I still love the shade and every drawn the gothic-y packaging. I got it from Sephora for 100SAR, which is approximately 26$.

Jeffree Star skin frost highlighter. Let me tell you, you don’t know what you’re missing if you don’t have a JSC highlighter. It’s absolute magic. And, hands down, the best highlighter. It has a huuuge pan that comes with a huge mirror and you can see the glow from Mars. Not kidding. It wears beautifully and you need to get one if you still don’t have one. I know he’s a controversial person, but all things aside, he makes the best highlighters. Although the shade I got, so fucking gold is way too dark for me, but I make it work because I love it and I couldn’t get the lighter shade because it was sold out. I got it for 4600RS, when I ordered it from a page on Facebook. (Don’t worry, it’s real, I checked) but on the JSC website it retails for 25$.

SHAWN MENDES FRAGRANCE. I could literally go on and on and on about this. Well, besides that it’s made by someone who I absolutely love, it also smells pretty damn good. The smell is kinda floral but also woodsy ish at the same time. I’m no expert on the top and bottom notes stuff, but it wears off extremely good. I wore it on my birthday for the first time. Which is also, not to brag but brag, his birthday also. It wore pretty good and I love it. I ordered it from Boots, and 100ml was for 41£, which I got. Also, my dad gifted me this, and I absolutely freaked out when I saw it and was completely floored. It was magic, ok?

The Sleek highlighter palette in Solstice. I also have the Cleopetra’s Kiss which is very good and gold, but I love the Solstice one a tiny bit more. It has four shades, one creme and three powders, including a purple highlight. Which is pretty cool, btw. It goes on extremely blinding and I can’t say enough about it. I got it from Boots Cardiff for 9.99£.

Morphe x Kathleen Lights palette. I love Kathleen and I also own the color pop collab that she has, although I wanted to pick up Dream Street and the Zodiac palette but I was too broke. And in all honesty, did not need more eyeshadow. I took it to UK with me and used it on my cousin’s wedding day and the function the next day. Sort of holds a special place, I guess. The colors are beautiful and blend beautifully, definitely my most used palette and a favorite of mine. 15$ but I got it for 3000RS / 24$.

Rings. I’ve lately been wearing rings and I’m totally obsessed with them. I don’t leave the house until I have rings on, it’s become a huge addiction. I think they’re a part of who I am now. I own many and I’ve just organized them in my drawer and I could be more proud of myself. I think I’ve collected more than 20 rings in the past four months or maybe five. I have a preference for silver rings because they look more unique to me and in general, more appealing.

It’s been a good year and I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned to put myself first because no ones going to do that for me and stand up for myself in situations where I need to. Let go of something or someone because they’re not right me for me. 2019, please be good. Happy new year!

PS: thank you so much for all the love on my last post and check out my instagram for more stuff! @opaqueblues

Thank you for reading! ❤ XXX

Self love: what we often forget.

December 18, 2018 — Leave a comment

In our everyday lives, we often forget about ourselves. Exams, work or any other commitment— we tend to neglect ourselves. We pressurise ourselves to the point where we become a machine, exhausted and tired of anyone and everything around us. I totally get the feeling. I have my last exam on Thursday and, honestly I’m counting down the days.

Days when i’ll chill around all day and enjoy my winter vacations. But even that thought scares me, the constant reminder that I have to study, have to do that assignment or doing anything that could stress me out. (Not just studies, lol) It’s not wrong to feel like you have to do something, but, having that feeling all the time isn’t exactly okay.

We need to let ourselves go sometimes. Self love isn’t always spending on yourself or having a day out. But if that’s what makes you happy, totally, go for it. Sometimes we just need to have a day off, for ourselves. Not because it’s relaxing, but we’re human and we need to relax once a while. Drink some coffee, read that book that you bought two months ago but never got the chance to read, spend time with your family, talk to friends. Do what makes you feel peaceful and relaxed.

Taking care of yourself should be your priority, no one else is going to do it for you. Always remember to take out some time for yourself, even if it’s just an hour. Distance yourself from things that stress you out. Stop eating chocolate daily because it breaks you out, and then later, you’ll feel horrible. Stop talking to toxic friends, they’ll only make you feel horrible about yourself.

Surround yourself with good energy and good people. Give love, be kind. Whatever you put out in the world is what comes back to you. Karma is a thing. It’s very real.

Sorry if this was short, but I have an exam on Thursday and currently having a panic attack about it. 🙂

Thankyou for reading!!! ❤ XXX

my darling brother.

December 8, 2018 — Leave a comment

I remember I couldn’t see you when you were born, you were born before your time. You were supposed to be small but you were a footlong. You were everything my parents hoped you would be. I wanted to see you everyday, to hold your tiny hand, and to see your beautiful eyes; but I couldn’t.

I remember so vividly— I took off my shoes, sanitised my hands and wore gloves. Heavy footsteps towards my brother lying on an incubator.

For the first time I saw this precious little human, begging for air, a machine giving it to him. It made me realise the importance of the air we take for so granted. It made me realise how selfish I am, how ungrateful. As this little human, was grateful for everything that he had. Little breathes he took so heavily. My heart ached.

I think it might have been broken a little. I couldn’t describe the feeling. Someone I love, grasping for air. No, I did feel my heart breaking. It was all real.

I couldn’t stay much longer, it hurt. I was 12, he was 17 days old. I left him. My heart broke a little.

24 hours later, you’d gone to heaven. You were free from the machines giving you life, God had other plans for you. He took you from earth, and to the place of eternal happiness. My heart broke altogether, there wasn’t a piece intact.

Happy birthday little brother, you would’ve been six years old today.

All my love Led Zeppelin.

—-

thankyou for reading ❤ xx

The forgotten beauty in our language.

December 6, 2018 — Leave a comment

This blog’s gonna be philosophical, so yeah. In times like these, where English is the universal language that every understands— other languages are getting grossly neglected. Including, mine.

I grew up watching English movies, cartoons and having an education; which primarily focuses on English. I’m ashamed to say i’m much better at english than in my own language. It isn’t something to boast, when you say “oh, i’m fluent in X language”, it doesn’t matter. Your language is your identity. And, somewhere along the way I grew out of touch.

I don’t know about other countries, but in South Asia, it’s a growing misconception that if you know English— you’re automatically more smart. It doesn’t matter what you say, it’s how you speak. Which is important, don’t get me wrong, but is also hypocritical. Bilingual people have two sides to themselves; it’s never the same with one.

More and more, i’m trying to get in touch with Urdu. Which is my language, it’s my mother tongue and i’m so proud of it. It’s such a simple and elegant language. Grateful to be bilingual. It’s easy to speak and it’s unique mixture of Arabic & Persian. I’m concentrating on my writing because that’s where I sometimes struggle, but just like English, I use similar techniques to get me through. I write my mom small notes just to get good.

It might seem weird to foreign readers but it’s pretty common in Pakistan. Hence, I wanted to revive the beauty that is my language. However, i’m part Kashmiri and I don’t know how to say a thing. Nor does my mom, so does that give me a margin? I hope so.

The note on my hand says: (roughly)

“We say other’s languages are beautiful, but we don’t know how beautiful ours is.”

PS: thankyou so much for the love on the previous post! Make up reviews are definitely what people like more. But that doesn’t stop me from doing the other things that I enjoy as much. Give me suggestions on what the next post should be!

Follow me on Instagram: @opaqueblues

Thankyou for reading and supporting! Xx ❤️

Heartbreak at 7am.

December 1, 2018 — 2 Comments

The newly painted orange sky with hints of pink, it seemed like the skies were angry. The only way to get their fury expressed was by painting itself a certain way.

Warm April morning, 7am.

They lay in peace, bodies perfectly in sync. It was God’s creation and He scared how in touch they were. Mortals weren’t supposed to be this perfect. It was as if they were made from the same atom, yet split; same heart, yet beating as one.

His golden eyes met her chocolate brown. She’d always seem to think, ‘this thing.. infront of me.. isn’t human.’ How he’d run his generous palm in her head, caressing her hair, making her shut her eyes in pure ecstasy. It was as if the angel himself had touched her. It was simply divine. She’d look at him and think, ‘i’d do anything for this man right here, infront of my eyes.’

He notices how she looks at him— the gaze of someone terribly in love. Yes, it scared him at first. It wasn’t that he wasn’t ready, but he never thought that she’d feel the same way about him. He’d picture this a thousand times, only different ways; the love of his life, laying in his arms with sunrise greeting them. Her smile made him feel like he was the only man on earth, she’d make him feel so special. How she blushed when someone mentioned him, or how her eyes light up every damn time she looks at him. The feeling never gets old. He’d do anything for her.

She looked into his ever welcoming eyes that shone brighter than any diamond, while making circles on his chest. He gulped and thought to himself, ‘it’s getting harder.’ He pushes her hand away as worry washes all over her magically sculpted face. She is a work of art. She should be in a museum. She doesn’t deserve a piece of shit like you.

“What happened?” Her honey dripped voice made it worse.

“I can’t do this anymore.” His heart stopped beating. The color from her face vanished, the life from her soul dimmed a little. She didn’t say anything, her eyes spoke for her.

“This was fun. It’s time to move on. Goodbye.” He turned so he couldn’t see her heart jump out her chest, tears filled his face; he picked up his stuff. It was real. This is real.

“Y-you can’t do this to me! I can’t live without you.” The pain in her voice was unbelievably earthshaking. He put metal chains across his heart, it took every living atom in his fibre to not go and tell her he’s an idiot. He doesn’t mean it, it’s something he has to do for her. He doesn’t know if he can live without his soul—her.

Shutting the door behind him, she breaks down hysterically crying. Screaming, yet silent. Unaware of what happened not two minutes ago. The image of him referring to her as an object was branded in her brain. She couldn’t escape the horror that was him. The beautiful horror that she loved with every thing she had. The most hated thing which she loved the most.

He put his hands on his mouth. His heart was now on the floor, scattered. The red glass spread all across the white marble. He had left his life behind, hearing her cry was something he never wanted to hear. Breaking his heart— her heart was something he’d never dreamt of. It was something so scared he could never humiliate the very thought of it. He laid lifeless. As did she.

Even in their suffering, they were terrifyingly in sync.

—

Thankyou so much for reading! ❤️Xx

Worth reading: the sun and her flowers by Rupi Kaur

November 24, 2018 — Leave a comment

I picked up ‘the sun and her flowers’ by Rupi in late September. But, I got so busy I couldn’t give it the time it deserves. I remember so many people raving about, taking aesthetically pleasing pictures all over Instagram. It was everywhere.

I had bought this after I finished and loved milk and honey with every thing I have. Her words are so pure yet not so pure at the same time. There’s this thing in Rupi’s writing that makes you read it over and over again. It feels you feel evey emotion side my side.

Her poems are incredibly mesmerising. I couldn’t even put the book down. I actually forced myself to stop after I finished two parts in nearly 25 minutes. I wanted to enjoy it more.

I let the sun peek through my enormous window, laid down on the carpet and read the poems slowly. It was some experience. I had Zayn playing on my speakers and I read through poems about self love, building yourself and all the heartache.

I loved countless poems and I can’t pick a favourite. If you don’t read poetry, or haven’t started, or are thinking of reading— do it! Poetry is so unique and intoxicating that you can’t get enough of it. I’ll definitely try and read Rumi next whenever I get the chance.

I’d highly recommend giving this a read, i’m sure you’d be impressed. If you haven’t already, of course. If you’ve already read it, tell me how you like it.

PS: sorry if this is short, but what else can you talk about for a great poetry book? it speaks for itself.

Follow me on Instagram: @opaqueblues

Thankyou for reading loves. X ❤

Yellow withered roses in the midsummer rain.

November 5, 2018 — Leave a comment

She got yellow roses for him, wondering if he’d take them. Yellow; it represents the bond of friendship, the connection between two people, with similar souls and different bodies. Was this not the concept of soulmates?

She had wondered on different occasions if he was, infact, her soulmate. Fantasising about eternal love was what kept her up at night, it was that which taught her to forgive him; even when he’d upset her the most. When she’d see him with other girls—dancing to the song that she hoped they’d dance to, her waist aching for his gentle and safe touch; which was given to them.

“I’ll lose him if I don’t tell him,” she thought to herself. “You’ll lose him either way, sweetheart” whispered the pessimistic organ in her head. There she set out, wearing her best dress and the yellow roses in her hands. She knocked aggressively just as the heart inside her ribcage. Her eyes recognised him as one, she held out the roses and without any hesitation; “I love you.”

And there he stood, awestruck. It was as if he’d seen his mother die for the second time; the look she remembered way too well. He couldn’t manage to say the words but his eyes told every single emotion he was feeling, she had known him all her life. “I-I… I,”

And in that moment, she knew she had gotten her answer. It was as if, someone had her voodoo doll in their hand and sticking needles into her heart. The pain was uncontrollable, she had forgotten to breath. The sweet and salty mid summer rain fell on her face, as she grew blue by the second. She had forgotten to breathe, she didn’t have the will to take in the oxygen and the fresh earthy smell.

“This was supposed to be my time!” She cried out to the skies above; they raged with lightning, signifying their mourning for her unrequited love. Those precious yellow roses, that she bought with all the love that was beating in her heart, are now withered in the midsummer rain—along with her newly damaged heart.

Follow me on Instagram: @opaqueblues

Thankyou for reading loves. X❤️

How the Moon & the Stars plotted the Lovers’ Revenge.

October 25, 2018 — Leave a comment

“Forever?”

“Forever.”

He replied with his warm breath close to hers, tucking her golden waves behind her eyes. She didn’t know what lies the universe had fed the lovers. Laughing in contempt the mighty moon, with the help of mischievous glowing stars; they thought to themselves, “look how the mortals love.” Cried one in irony.

“It’s pitiful that they think they’ll last forever.” Stated the other while scoffing and awaiting the destruction to slither it’s way into their lives.

Many moons passed, but the lovers stayed strong. They proved their undying love for each other, in every obstacle they faced. Each stone in their journey was thoughtfully put— to test them, to see if they could endure it. The moon and the stars scoffed, while God playfully put them together, as He, is the puppeteer and they were His puppets.

While one gloomy full moon night; God stopped playing and moved to the other puppets, while the moon and the stars plotted the lovers’ revenge.

“How about they fell out of love?”

“What happens to the other if one dies?”

“Let’s make them hate eachother.” One after the other made rational decisions to destroy them, but the moon was eager on one thing alone.

There stood the love of his life, white dress with her father giving her away. He couldn’t control himself; it was if he was given an ecstasy pill. Tears of happiness in his eyes, the smile he was crazy for before he even knew her. The very person he’d seem in his dreams. She was now his. He was her’s to keep for all eternity.

“Now’s time, boss,”

He’d seen her in every aspect; happy, sad, terrified, angry— but he’d never seen her like this. It was as if his soul had been taken from him, there was no desire to breath nor any wish to be alive. As he held the love of his life in his arms, lifeless. “Darling,” he cried out; “my love”, but she didn’t respond to anything. Was it him? He couldn’t tell what had happened to her. And in that moment, he knew, that there was nothing left in the world for him.

Seven heavens above, God cried and cried that very night. The earth shattered and suffered lightening, thunder and hail. There seemed to be no remorse that could calm Him down. “I’ve let the Moon and the Stars take away the love from two people who loved each other more than their being..”

That night showed God’s fury and sadness to the earth as it joined in mourning.

“Forgive me for I have let two lovers slip.”

———

Follow me on Instagram: @opaqueblues

Thankyou so much for reading. X

My honest thoughts on Yesterday I Was The Moon..

October 5, 2018 — 1 Comment

Everytime I when I’m writing a blog post, I feel like the most dramatic person on the planet. But we all have our roles to play, and I guess mine is being dramatic online. I ordered yesterday i was the moon from Liberty books, which is written by Noor Unnahar. I have absolutely no idea how to pronounce her last time, so I don’t even try.

I got to know about Noor through my instagram explore page in 2017. I remember scrolling through her account an seeing all the extremely aesthetically pleasing pictures. I always used to look at her account just because it made me happy. However, unlike many other instances in my life, I forgot about it.

Then, again recently, when I stumbled onto her page, yet again. I scrolled through it again, looking at the perfectly captured pictures with the awe-inspiring poetry, distorted yet, extremely mesmerizing art. I feel in love all over again. I saw her poetry in a couple of her own pictures and immediately, without even thinking; went straight to Liberty. I typed in her book and ordered it without even thinking. Legit. It was a windy Sunday night an I fell prey to online shopping. *sigh*

Fast forward, I received my book and grinned like a child on Eid. I also had a signed book! Which seriously made me so happy and I put it on my insta story in a blink.. but also got a message from Noor! That was so crazy for me. Once I picked up the book, I couldn’t put it down.. it was so addicting. I literally had to stop myself because I wanted to give it time, and enjoy it. I did not do that, but I read 75% of it in the same night.

The poem which spoke volumes for me was the one that basically said not to be so hard on yourself, and take inspiration from phoenixes who rise from their ashes. That was, hands down, the best poem in the book. I sent snapchats to all my friends that they need to read it, and basically not shutting up about it.

So, in a nutshell; if you wanna skip all of this, let me tell you.. YOU need this. It is absolutely beautiful, and of course, if you love poetry, you’d love it. I know I did.

Show some love to Noor, @noor_unnahar on instagram.

@opaqueblues, if you wanna follow me on instagram. ❤

Thankyou so much for reading and supporting. ❤

A day in my life.

October 3, 2018 — Video — 4 Comments

Tuesday, Oct 2.

You know there are some days when you just wake up and feel like it’s going to a good day, yeah, I got that feeling today. Even though my university starts at 10, I still have to wake up at 7:45 to get ready and leave. My dad takes me with him, and after university, I just sit around in his office.

Tuesdays in particular is an extremely hectic day. I’ve got three classes and I get off at 4. But, thank God— because of good friends and a light environment time ticks away fast. We joke around sitting in the cafeteria about every little thing.

However, I literally fell asleep in my Criminal class. So, before the teacher saw me, I sneakily took out my coffee tin from my bag and chugged it in two seconds flat. I had the “Nescafe Chocolate Mocha” and for someone who does not like sweet coffee— safe to say, I hated it. I prefer a sting in my coffee which immediately wakes me up. While that did a great job at that, I was not a fan of the coffee in the slightest.

Then after hours of laughing and been extremely lazy in class, it was time to go to my dad’s office. I knoooow, it sounds boring and ‘what do you even do there?’ But honestly, it’s fun and time passes quickly. I thankfully handed my six page assignment yesterday so I didn’t need to do that. It was just one of those days where I had Killshot by Eminem on REPEAT. While I listened to my favourite artist ever, I scrolled through Instagram and took in the view from my dad’s office.

The going back home is another hurdle. I feel like i’ll never like going back home. But also, after a long day, all I want is my bed. Like, just jump on it. But, instead of doing that, I called my friend and we talked for an hour, where we mainly caught up in all the drama in our lives. Drama. Then my mom knocked on my door and handed me a parcel, I knew straight away exactly what it was. From the signature liberty packaging, I was like a child on Eid.

I unwrapped the carefully packaged package, and there revealed my two new books. Yesterday I Was The Moon by Noor Unnahar & Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur. I immediately skipped through some pages reading some poems from YIWTM, and loving every second. But, what I did not know, was that my book was signed! I was so happy, because I love Noor’s instagram account and also her poetry. So, that was my icing on a cake.

Same old: ate dinner, walked to the park, showered, jammed to some music.

Ended my night by watching the Part 3, “The Family of Jake Paul”, by Shane Dawson. Honestly, a must watch. Shane is arguably the best youtuber, and also i’ve loved him even before he started doing docu-series. If you’re into conspiracy theories, he’s the man.

The Family Of Jake Paul

PS: I know today’s not Tuesday, but it got pretty late and I was too lazy to upload it yesterday.

Thankyou for reading and supporting!!❤️