my darling brother.

I remember I couldn’t see you when you were born, you were born before your time. You were supposed to be small but you were a footlong. You were everything my parents hoped you would be. I wanted to see you everyday, to hold your tiny hand, and to see your beautiful eyes; but I couldn’t.

I remember so vividly— I took off my shoes, sanitised my hands and wore gloves. Heavy footsteps towards my brother lying on an incubator.

For the first time I saw this precious little human, begging for air, a machine giving it to him. It made me realise the importance of the air we take for so granted. It made me realise how selfish I am, how ungrateful. As this little human, was grateful for everything that he had. Little breathes he took so heavily. My heart ached.

I think it might have been broken a little. I couldn’t describe the feeling. Someone I love, grasping for air. No, I did feel my heart breaking. It was all real.

I couldn’t stay much longer, it hurt. I was 12, he was 17 days old. I left him. My heart broke a little.

24 hours later, you’d gone to heaven. You were free from the machines giving you life, God had other plans for you. He took you from earth, and to the place of eternal happiness. My heart broke altogether, there wasn’t a piece intact.

Happy birthday little brother, you would’ve been six years old today.

All my love Led Zeppelin.

—-

thankyou for reading ❤ xx

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